Silent Screams
I try to shout at the top of my lungs but a whisper comes out. Nobody seems to hear me or maybe they do and they just don't care. I don't understand what I really want or what I am really trying to say. Where my heart is supposed to be lies a void. There is a pang in the void that leaves me gasping for breath. It hurts so bad that I cannot think of anything else but this pain. It tells me that my world is wrong and incomplete. It tells me that the worst terror in this world is that of being utterly alone. Nobody can defeat loneliness by themselves. It says I need people and I need them to need me. The only thing it doesn't tell me is how to make this a reality. Something within me makes me run away from people. Perhaps I am just leaving them before they can leave me. Maybe I am just so afraid of people leaving me that I won't let them get close to me. Maybe if people see the real me I will still be left all alone. The words that I had tried to shout that were murky before now seem so clear. I am trying to say, "Don't leave me. Just be with me!" I try to say these words and have them be resounding as thunder but the words come out softer then a breeze. I stand there and watch everybody walk away. I try to will them to turn around and come back, but they don't. I realize that they aren't going to turn around and the sadness drives me into a sort of suicidal madness. I want to scream and let my tears stream because this dam that has held it all in cannot possibly hold it anymore. The tears are drowning me inside but my cheeks remains dry. The light goes off with me still in the room and the dim light within becomes so faded that I cannot tell if it is even on anymore.
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