Playt #1:The confusion over the Polar bears

Well, this story is a little different from Lysandus and his evil sidekick. Yes, I said sidekick, that means he licks horse hay and eats cucumbers while playing Canasta. Does that make sense to anybody but me, well, maybe if you have no kneecaps. Yes, that does hurt, I've had no elbows before, that was hell. I couldn't even stand up on my hands anymore, they just kinda bent in weird directions and hurt so bad I passed out. But that was back in the neon days, when I used to drink toilet soup with a little hint of rum. It was 151 at the time, but soon became about a 68 proof. I know what you're thinking, "no little man can run that damned fast, not even with a toboggan." But that's when I ask you if somebody ate your underwear while you saw lizards eat the empire state building. Either that, or I have no teeth. I'm not really sure where this is going, but I'm sure it all started with the alcohol of all time, Jesus's blood. Yes, I bought some on e bay, but I think it was fake, because all I saw were little gnomes with little red eyes and a purple grin. They were so scary, that I had a puking contest with them. Because they were so small, they didn't eat much, and I won the contest. The prize was a really big cup full of barbecue sauce.

I yelled at the attendant lady and she said, "no mug shots for the worthless and pitiful.". That's when I got out of the line and thought about the time I went into the soul of a little kitten. As a kitten, I was soaked with 151 and lit on fire. Then I was thrown out the window for a raccoon to find. The raccoon caught on fire and killed over 78 ashtrays. And that was the day I lost a half inch around my hat.