I loved the taste of the innocent that night. It was sweet and very pleasing. The taste of the lawyer was very spicy and filling. Now I needed more. Now I needed to see what a depressed person tasted like. I needed to go into the mind of Sid, a manic depressant. This man had never committed an evil deed. He had never done anything harmless to another person. He was shy and he was boring. I hated Sid, and he hated himself as well. We both agreed that he needed to die, and by the time I had met him, he had wanted his death for over 7 years.
To get in the mind of a manic depressant, is to understand that he hated every single person in the world, but all of that hate wasn't anything compared to how much he hated himself. He wished he could be corrupt and decieving like the rest of the world, but he didn't have it in him. He had no motivation. He hated them because they were strong and rutheless. He had enough hate, but he couldn't use it. All he could do was hate inside. All he knew how to do, was bottle it up. Telling people how he fealt never helped him, they would pretend to be interested, and pretend to try to help in little ways, but their pity just hurt him even worse. He hated them for their false freindships, and he hated being alone most of all. He was weak, he was worthless, he was not meant for this world, and he was meant to be lonely. He understood all of this too, and it just made him hate himself even more. He knew that this world was full of people that went for what they wanted, people that ignored rejection and went on to get what they fealt they needed. This world was made of people that made themselves who they wanted to be, people who were strong and spoke their mind. He was shy, and nobody understood why. He wasn't raised to be shy, he was just born like that. He would only make friends by them talking to him, because he would never go up and talk to a person he had never met. All he ever wanted was to be himself, but that never seemed to be good enough for people.
I read all this from seeing his head facing down at the sidewalk while walking. He was the only one in the crowd of people that didn't look at me. He was who everyone made him be, an outcast. He had no real friends, just people who would try to comfort him because they couldn't stand to see a sad person. They fealt it was their duty to make him smile, when all he ever wanted was to not be so alone. Nobody could understand when he would just go off and want to be alone. Inside he knew that it fealt the same as being with other people, it was just less of a tease. Seeing people in front of you, and understanding them is two different things. Nobody understood Sid, because he didn't want them to. Everyone who had ever really known him, hated him, and so did I.
I followed him to his safe place, a hideout in the woods. This is where he would go if he had anything to think about. This was where he could be alone without everyone throwing thoughts into his head. When I showed my face to him he showed no fear. He stood up and walked over to me and spit in my face. He asked me why him, and I couldn't answer. I took him by the head and sent pain through his entire body. He clenched his teeth and struggled little. I made him think of killing, I tried to make him go crazy and homicidal, but he refused, and with all of his remaining strenght he repelled me. He stared into my eyes and I could feel his sweet pain. I knew he wanted no pain, but if he knew me, he would have known I wouldn't have had it any other way. I tasted the feeling of misery and I tasted the feeling of fulfillment at the same time. He had been waiting for me, he had been asking for me. The pain going through his body increased as parts of him were torn apart. He said, "please no pain," and I only laughed. Then he started to struggle and that's when I tightened my grip on his head. Blood sprayed from endless cracks that were now covering his body. He continued to struggle but soon knew that it would be pointless. His body shriveled up as he was drained of every fluid in his body. When I knew he was dead I threw his body against a tree and it shattered to dust.
They never found him, and to this day everyone wants to know what really happened. Me and you know though, don't we? That's what you get when you ask for an easy way out, when you can't deal with life the way it is and should be. When you accept that you are completely alone, that is when you can finally realize that there is no changing it. Suicide is the weak way out, the cheat code to the last level of life. The only way to live life is to never trust another person fully, because everyone on this earth will do what they want to be happy, no matter who is hurt in the process. Trust no one.
End of Wicked Thought
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